As moderator of the Merry Heart list, I wanted to introduce myself
to you, my kind readers and kindred spirits :-) I sent this
introduction out last year, but the membership has more than
doubled in a year to over 900 recipients now!

My full-time job is math/science teacher and assistant principal at
a Christian school in Penna. My love for humor was inherited from
my dad, Al Anger. My students and my wife and four young children
don't always appreciate my sense of humor. They think I am
PUNishing them :-)

But the most important thing in my life is not my job, my family,
my computer, or jokes. It is a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ. Two years ago TODAY, my precious Savior stripped back the
blindness and hardness of my deceived heart and called me to come
unto Him and learn of Him. What a wonderful year it has been!
Please take the time to read the following account of how this
"Pharisee" came to know Christ in a personal way. If you are
already saved, may it cause you to rejoice in Him. If you are not
saved, or not sure, may it cause you to thirst for Him and seek for
Him, whom to know is life eternal!

---------------------------------

At a recent church program I played the part of Nicodemus. As I
examined his life in the gospel of John (chapter 3) I found that it
was so very similar to my own.

Nicodemus was a religious leader, well-respected by his peers. I
grew up in a Baptist preacher's home, was actively involved in my
church as a teen and on into adulthood. I attended Bible college
and became a teacher in a Christian school and even served for a
time as youth pastor. Being on staff at church gave me a measure of
respect by others.

Nicodemus was of the strictest sect of the Jews and was undoubtedly
very sincere in his belief in God's written Word. Likewise, I was
always convinced that the Bible was God's inspired Word, His
revealed will for mankind. I read and studied it faithfully. I
enjoyed hearing it preached and taught and adhered to the strictest
interpretations of the Bible's doctrines.

But Nicodemus observed something in the ministry of Jesus that
unsettled him. Jesus spoke with a power and authority that was
unusual. He performed miracles, healed the sick, and changed lives
in a dramatic and undeniable way. Nicodemus must have wondered what
he was missing in his own life that these others had. His curiosity
caused him to seek after Jesus. He probably heard Jesus preach and
teach on a number of occasions. But he wanted to talk to Him
personally.

In my experience in various Baptist churches, I had seen the power
of God at work in the lives of many people. Lives were transformed
in truly miraculous ways. I observed answers to prayer in ways that
testified to God's glory. Close friends talked often of their sweet
personal relationship with the Lord, of answers to private prayer,
and of lessons He was teaching them. I felt like an outsider, an
observer. I began to wonder, "What was I missing that they had?" I
reasoned that since I had prayed a "salvation" prayer as a young
teen then I must be "saved," so I must just be missing some special
link to the deeper Christian life.

But as I approached my 35th birthday, and supposed 22nd spiritual
birthday, I honestly admitted that if I had not found that missing
ingredient in all these years, why would I find it now. But, it was
so real to others. I began to earnestly seek for God with all my
heart. I thirsted for a relationship with Him that I had not
enjoyed all these years, but I knew others were experiencing.

Nicodemus came to Jesus under cover of darkness at night.
Undoubtedly he was fearful of what others would think. Pride is a
big hurdle to the religious. I began thinking, reading, writing,
and evaluating. But I did it secretly, not even telling my wife. I
pulled back from my other pursuits and activities and spent time in
the Bible, pleading with Him to reveal Himself to me.

When Nicodemus came to Jesus and began talking to Him, Jesus
quickly got to the point of telling him that he was in darkness and
spiritually dead. He needed to be born again, spiritually.

I admitted to God that my heart was deceitful and I was unable to
rightly discern my true spiritual condition. But He knew me inside
out and could reveal it to me.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked:
who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins."
(Jeremiah 17:9-10) "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me
and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and
lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)

When I came to Him honestly seeking a relationship with Him, He
quickly revealed to me that I was a lost sinner. I was listening to
a sermon about Judas Iscariot, the disciple who betrayed Jesus.
Today we view him as thief and traitor, but in his day he was
highly respected as part of the inner circle of Jesus, participant
in the ministry of Christ, observer of many miracles, and recipient
of the teaching of the Truth. But he was lost and damned to hell
for his sin.

I identified with Judas. My heart was smitten and broken. I was
stunned at the revelation. How could it be that after all these
years I was lost? I thought I had done what was required for
salvation. I had memorized the verses in the plan of salvation. I
had followed the plan as best as I knew how.

But God had answered my prayer - He had shown me that I did not
have a relationship with Him because I needed to be born again.

Like Nicodemus, I was confused. "How can these things be?" And
Jesus seemed to answer, "Are thou a religious teacher and knowest
not these things?"

I longed for a life-changing work of God in my life. I wanted to
know Him. I clung to the promise in Jeremiah 29:13-14, "And ye
shall seek me and find me, when ye shall search for me with all
your heart; I will be found of you." I knew that God would be
found in His Word, so I began earnestly reading. He began by
showing me His holiness and majesty, then my sinfulness, hypocrisy,
and emptiness in comparison. Over the course of a week I read many,
many passages of Scripture. God's Holy Spirit was teaching me and
pointing me to see Jesus. I sensed that He was working in my heart,
convicting and calling me to Himself. "Come unto me, all ye that
labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Something seemed to be hindering me, however. I read in Isaiah
59:1-2 that "the Lord's hand is not shortened that it cannot save,
neither his ear heavy that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have
separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face
from you, that he will not hear."

The next morning was a holiday. I didn't have to go to work. I got
up early and finally told my wife of the struggle in my heart. Then
I went to my office to spend more time alone with God. Through His
word I sensed Him working in my heart and showing me what I needed
to hear. He showed me the need to humble myself of my pride. I
recognized my sin of unbelief as I read Hebrews 3:7-8, 12 "Today
if ye will hear his voice, harden not your heart...take heed,
brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in
departing from the living God."

I pulled out a sermon tape that explained the need for both
repentance and faith, and clearly laid out Biblical salvation.
After an intense week of the Holy Spirit teaching me through the
Scriptures, it was all coming together. As the sermon came to an
end I had to turn the tape off and fall on my knees. He was calling
me ... me... I wept. Through tears I cried, "I surrender all!"

At that moment a new birth took place!

I sensed a change immediately. I was aware of a desire to immerse
myself in God's Word. Jesus was my Savior and I yearned to know
more about Him in a friendship, fellowship, relationship sort of
way, not just a "head-knowledge" way.

I am still doing many of the things in the church and personal life
that I used to do before. They were good things. But now there is
new motive, and a growing relationship with my precious Lord.

How about you? Is your religion or spiritual experience dry, empty,
and life-less? More of a ritual than a relationship? Jesus lovingly
invites us to turn from our self-righteousness and pride and to
humbly acknowledge our great need of Him and His righteousness.
When we are willing to make Him Lord of our life, and turn our life
over to Him completely, then He in mercy and grace saves us.

"Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he
is near: let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man
his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and He will have
mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."
(Isaiah 55:6-7)



The week after the Lord saved me, I recorded a fuller account of my
quest for God, my self-examination, and the Scriptures God used to
draw me unto Himself. I would be happy to share the written, email,
or tape version with anyone interested in it.

Tim Anger
4702 Colebrook Ave
Emmaus PA 18049
email: tanger@xc.org